We had our breakfast at the hostel. Since we had to check out before 10 we packed our luggage and left it in the storage room. I had my flights only late evening and the Lady had her flights in late afternoon. Since we didn’t have anything else to do till our transport to the airport at 2.30 pm we decided to take a walk to the city and do window shopping as usual.
The Lady again seemed to be less cheerful today and chatted very less, may be a few words in an hour. As before, I was clueless, especially since she was in better spirits last nights. After roaming around some craft shops in the city we stopped at a café as the Lady was not so keen on ‘looking at the same things again and again’. I didn’t mind that actually as I thought I might come across something interesting at some corner. A few minutes earlier I came across a leather wall hanging which I thought of buying. But it was too expensive for my budget.
While sitting at the café the Lady hardly talked. She was playing with the straw of her juice all the time. It doesn’t take rocket science to see that something is not in order and I tried to ask her once and got the same old vague reply back. Clearly she was in no mood to talk and it was frustrating for me to be in a situation where I end up annoying her than helping her. I really wished that I could run away from there. After some time she said she is going back to the hostel and would like to sit down on the shade and read something. And suggested that I can go ahead with the window shopping. But this is Windhoek and it is not safe for a tourist with a handbag to walk alone to the hostel. We had been warned before by the hostel staff and I didn’t want to take any risk on the last day. Moreover, for me the question of letting her go back alone didn’t exist at all. So I decided to walk back to the hostel with her though I was not so sure whether she liked it.
I felt more and more that our friendship has come to an end. It started with the ellies in Swakop. And now it has turned a full circle at Swakop. We were closer before than now. There was more trust and openness between us. In the last 4 weeks all those seemed to have vanished. There were times I felt that she is more interested in texting (whoever that lucky person is) than talking with me. Those times I felt more like a driver than a friend. There were times I felt like talking to a wall than to the dear friend I knew before. How did it come to this? I don’t know, and probably I will never know. I thought about talking to her about it sometimes. Then decided against it as it won’t mean anything to her and most probably I will get the typical vague answers again. Now I really feel that she was a close friend only in my mind and for her I was always just a “travel buddy”. Probably it was like that all along and the I let my stupid mind run wild, as usual!
The driver from the African Tracks car rentals came to pick us up at 2.30 pm. After coming back to the hostel we hardly talked in between. I hurt to see that someone whom you considered as a close friend has just few words for you than to the driver who is a total stranger. The Lady checked in first as her flight with the South African airways leaves at 5.15 pm and mine was supposed to leave only at 8 pm. We had a late lunch at the airport restaurant in silence. I went to the security check to see her off. I decided to check in after she has left as I don’t think that I could see her leave.
The goodbye’s happened really quickly. I was quite numb, couldn’t remember what I was mumbling at that time. After checking in my luggage I sat down at one corner of the airport almost in tears. I wondered whether it is because I just lost a friend or is it more than that. I really don’t know. I don’t think I will meet her again. I am not even sure whether I will be in touch with her again like before. I would have loved to , but it didn’t seem sensible where there is a lack of trust and openness between us. I don’t want to be a friend “who is nice to have, but not absolutely necessary”. Even if she meant a lot to me! Life is full of surprises and one can only hope for the best.
I came to Africa trying to figure out my point of equilibrium of my life and I wonder now whether I will ever find one. I think the truth is that our friendship has finally run out of steam. I needed her and she never needed me. All she needed was just a travel buddy! And I am sorry, I am not that person!
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